Nappily Ever After

I love nappily ever after so much

ASSHOLES WATCHING MOVIES

Violet sets her alarm extra early so she can sneak out of bed, fix her hair, and sneak back into bed so her boyfriend thinks she wakes up like this. She does not. An exacting mother made sure that Violent has spent her whole life hiding her true hair. But even with all the tools and chemicals and salon appointments in the world, Violet is still Cinderella waiting for the clock to strike midnight. When it rains, or is even humid, the magic disappears and her hair reverts back to its natural state. So her life revolves around monitoring the weather and keeping her boyfriend’s hands away from her head.

On her birthday, Violet’s hair is perfect (though not without some drama). She is MV5BOTNhMWM0ZDUtZDI0Ny00OTVjLTgzMDctZTk4NWQwZmM3YmFiXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyODQzNTE3ODc@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,1500,1000_AL_expecting a ring from her boyfriend of 2 years and instead gets a puppy. Boyfriend accuses her of being “too perfect” so a breakup tailspin ensues…

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The Battle for Attention.

The first impression of course is the ultimate feeling of humans. It is “love at first sight.” The beholder’s judgement glimpse, justifies this ingrained emotion of appreciation.

But why is it that almost everyone is rushing to attract so much attention? People turning heads,simply gratifies their ego and self trust.

We are busy , pulling latest trends in fashion. How can you be left behind with Gucci designs, Louis Vuitton and Fenty. You’re considered an outcast if you ain’t doing this , especially in my city of Nairobi.

To be in the league of the oldies, you must be living the life , walking the talk of town. You have a ” dirty language ” if you are not hanging out in famous spots around the city, they are simply considered as Holy Grails. If you’re living a sober life then, you haven’t seen the light of the world, you’re an amateur maybe old fashioned. Marijuana is on another level. It has been “praised and sanctified”, that it’s use is glorified.

The era of sponsors, who promise lavished life styles, and who the hail are my age mates not to heed to this call of life sophistication? Riding in those comfy rides around town, enjoying different cuisines in top rated restaurants grants them a feeling of “heaven on earth”.

The era of ripple hype generated on social media platforms. Right now people are willing to even post nudes just for likes. Publicity is what my little generation is craving for.

Credits: The Guardian

Sex is the new addiction right now. I remember reading in the holy scriptures about the value of sex. That’s not the case out here. It is the new hobby. Don’t even over think that only adults are the only ones enjoying this forbidden passion, even the small children have been predisposed into so much of it. Their minds are far much corrupted.

Why all this is done is simply to attract attention. The feeling maybe its comforting. But it is to some extent a dreaded feeling. So many side effects that ruin a lot of lives.

Medics have found out that some people who crave for attention have a Histrionic Personality Disorder(HPD). This disorder makes them feel bad when not recognized in a group of people. In street language they are called ” attention whores”.

Credits: BBC. Com

Respect earned is better than attention which is solicited. But should we embrace the attention seeking narcissists or leave them on their own lanes?

The out door fun

“Can’t wait to meet him!” I messaged Immah when I found out she could join me for lunch with my nephew,Karim.The pride of being the uncle.

This would be Karim first outdoor fun with me and the restaurant review with a bit of photoshoot.What a better place to meet him than at the Zen Gardens, a popular dining place in the lower Kabete area near Kitisuru.Frequently visited by adults and children.

Immah was late ,which is quite uncharistic of her; but with her young Karim I had to understand. The chirping birds in the garden definitely kept me company with my phone, chatting.

Zen Garden ,in the lower kabete, the greener part of Nairobi, is a relaxed restaurant with homely service that sometimes requires a bit of patience.This is not a place where orders fly out of the pass with incredible speed.

We ordered a shared plate of shaghetti with meatballs.The meal is delicious ,I kept on looking at Karim as we enjoyed.The restaurant staff playing romantic music with an accordion and as we suck in a piece of saucy spaghetti we realised too late we have accidentally picked up the same one as my sister Immah.

Karim decided to join other children around the area to run around the fields and play games.We decided to beef up our restaurant experience with a glass of champagne. The Mumm, brand was Immah favourites.

The whole experience was illuminated by the photoshoot session which Karim most enjoyed. It was awesome

Did she really do it?

Leila peeped through the cracked window pane to catch a glimpse of assurance from the midnight star which seemed only to illuminate her. Deep down in her heart she felt betrayed and deserted. The definition of life was almost useless to Leila.

Courtesy of pixabay.com: a lady crying

The long , silent even worse, cold ,was not fading. The wild feeling of being inhuman filled her thoughts. The young Cleopatra had a ‘ scattered self’ seeking mercy , forgiveness. But did she really do it?

The beautiful soul, Leila, had never imagined for a second being victimized and pushed to the furthest corner of vulnerability. Looking at her background, it was down to earth, I mean so so humble. She was raised by the ‘religion’, Christianity to be specific. She grew in arms of her protective parents. Leila was that ” golden daughter.” But what became of her?

Photo: courtesy of pixabay.com: in desperate state

At that state, she couldn’t do anything. It was too little too late. People Leila called friends were the first ones to hurl stones at her. The society was up in arms to bring her to that harsh judgement without a single clue of the truth. The society was ready to skin her alive. The society rather opted to justify the reality that,” still waters run deep.”

It was irreversible , Leila had to wear the costumes ready to dance to the rhythm that was to follow the blast of the news. She had to prepare for the worst, yeah desperate times, heart breaking decisions.

Did Leila survive, ?

Did she really do it?

What do you think Leila did, or got herself into?

Its my birthday, not yet 50

On 21st of May is always my birthday. You can’t imagine how my heart sparkle to make it through another year. Family and Friends all over are prepared to pass their wishes, please send also gifts. Oh! Let me not forget the typical African way of being “baptized” , talk of buckets of water. It’s hard to picture socked with clothes on.

But look not the normal birthday as such , I had bitter life pills to swallow. I think what I have experienced for the last 12 months, Christians would say,” a transformational period worth testifying. ” let me not forget the good times and things that made me smile, kept me grinding in order to give life a forward acceleration.

Trust, is hard to establish,as a matter of fact more than hail. It can take ages just to convince oneself that you trust another person, to some even lifetime. Annoying fact , the gained trust can be shattered in less than a second, healing from that is like trying to fix the veins of a cracked glass. Talk of a messed trust I have been their. I have realised that people who spend time curving their own egos, who pay little attention to real life, who only use their eyes to see and not reciprocate positively can haunt your trust. They can easily be pieces of crap, who at any point can spit Venom from their words. Being the ones who seem to have a say, in their cocoon, expect nothing short of a tarnished name. But how do we deal with these “short-wired” people, how?

Friendship is golden. It’s worth is more than a Pulitzer award. My friend zone is inflating like daily, thanks to WordPress, I have new people i call family from diverse walks of life. My friends are among the best people in the universe. I love you all. They also turn my world to be the best. Make me feel I’m living a life not a lie. Being human, their is exception, some are just sucker’s! You will never see them unless at the sight of their trouble. They will never call or even text unless you do, never check on you as much as you do. They’re fake. Should I garbage these fake friends or let them stay ?

Emotional trauma can wipe out the real identity of a person.

Talk of emotions , I will tell you I have been their. Relationship , losing the one I loved, accompanied with even heart breaking decisions just inflicted even more pain. Forget , I’m over that , moving forward with many lessons. Ain’t that emotional scourge.

Don’t get faded with my pep- talk of all the experiences, no more, although they made me grow. I wanna share the joy, this day, please also share the joy with me. Of course I love good music , guys send me some. Since I don’t have a plot , no bash, I mean party, music will fulfill the fantasies. I crave for only goodluck charms, I don’t wanna be a black sheep because a deep conviction of good tidings throughout the next year of my life.

We live to share, spread the joy, in fact I’m not that selfish person. I’m thinking this birthday I should also share with those less fortunate in my society. Let me get a little bit spiritual “ I wanna touch a heart, wanna bless a soul”. This will grant my heart utmost piece of heart. I’m sure, I will smile trust my words.

Let’s go ,let your wishes flow, gifts I’m waiting. Happy belated birthday to me, I wanna have a good one.

Feminism and Gender roles : the two are still not distinct in our societies

Men and women are different. We have different hormones, different sexual organs, biological abilities. Women can have babies men can’t, they have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women.

We have different gender roles. The gender roles are social roles encompassing a range of behaviors and attitude that are generally considered acceptable, appropriate or desirable. They are centered on conceptions of feminism and masculinity .

The different roles started changing during the world war 2, women got first exposure to jobs outside the home, husbands fighting.

The balance I think has never been achieved that is why we have different gender empowerment programmes. The idea of feminism arises at this point. The feminist believe that in a society their must be equality of the sexes.

Photo credits: owenic visuals

There’s slightly more women than men in the world, about 52% of the world’s pop is female. But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men. The equation to hit the equilibrium, in some countries like Kenya, they have a 2/3 gender rule to all employment positions. But should it be imposed or it should come naturally?

The late Kenyan Nobel Peace Laureate , Wangari Maathai,put it simply and well. She said:

“The higher you go the fewer women there are”

In lilly Ledbetter law, and if we can navigate nicely alliterative name of that law, it was really about a man and a woman doing the same job, being equally qualified and the man being paid more because he’s a man. So in the literal way , a man rule the world. This made sense a thousand years ago, because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival. The physical stronger person was more likely to lead, and men in general are physically stronger; of course there are many exceptions.

But today we live in a vastly different world. The person most likely to lead is not the physically stronger person, it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person, the more innovative person and there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, to be creative, innovative. We have evolved but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.

Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice. We should all be angry. Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change, but in addition to being angry , I’m also hopeful. Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings to make and remake themselves for the better.

Gender matters everywhere in the world. Would like to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world . And this is how we start: we must raise our daughters differently, we must also raise our sons differently. We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them, we stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity becomes this hard, small cage and we put boys inside the cage.

How should we raise our children so that they don’t fall victims of a wrecked society? We teach boys to be afraid of fear, weakness , vulnerability we teach them to mask their true selves because they have to be “hard man!” In university , a boy and girl would go out and then the boy would be expected always to pay to prove his masculinity . And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal from their parents.

Photo showing boys being taught to be “hard man!”

Photo credits: owenic visuals.

We also do much greater disservice to girls because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves to make them smaller, we say to say girls

“You can have ambition but not too much”

” you should be successful but not too successful, otherwise you would threaten the man”

But what if the question the premise itself , why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man?

Why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? A woman who is at a certain age and unmarried is seen as a personal failure and a man at a certain age unmarried is seen as a personal failure and a man at a certain age unmarried, we just think he hasn’t come around to making his pick.

Photo credits: owenic_visuals

The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing who we are. Imagine how happy we would be if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations. I’m not despising it’s value, but just imagine for a minute that we see people according to their capabilities?

A feminist, don’t confuse with the female gender, strives to attain a physical, ideological, economical ,political and social equality of the sexes.

Who are you?

What is love if my identity seems crap to your people?

Look, it was my first time that my pretty lady decided I should meet her family, to be more specific her father! As usual with my nature of life and our lifestyle back at home ,first time visitors are warmly welcomed,with joy ,smiles and of course lots of jokes. What was to be a hallo from her father came as

“Young man who are you?”

Humbly I responded,

“Jeff”

With my smile I thought I had impressed somebody’s father. Gosh!

“I already know that from my daughter, know tell me young man who are you?” This was the response that hit my young face”

Know I knew things were not getting as easy as I thought and as my beautiful “baby” had told me. I decided I wear that faked serious face, oh! That’s not my thing. I responded ,

“Jeff Lutta Njomo ,sir!”

“(Haha) let me make it simpler, I’m a lawyer, my wife is a lecturer, my daughter whom you claim to love is in school studying financial Engineering, now tell me ,who are you?”

“A poet sir”

At this point I started calculating my steps for an easy escape, but I had to defend my manhood, most importantly my love, it was real, “poor me, a boy child”.

He kinda smiled, adjusted his spectacle, the rage from his eyes did more harm. At that point I discovered my point of timidness.

” A poet ! OH! So you study literature and major in poetry, a writer?” He asked.

Boom! “I’m finished”, this is what my heart told me. “But I have to do this”, I convinced myself, for a moment I thought I was ” stupid in love”

Now his identity..

Someone in love, in fact he can catch a bullet for her

“Literature, no, but I write what I perform ,also I do lyrical dance choreography, so yes”

At this point I saw that handshake almost coming, it was delayed for so long. Just to inflict more thirst for questions.

“Maybe performance, you also do theatre arts, A thespian?”

” A thespian …used to be ”

Now the next response made my hear weak because it was with that loud pitch, last time I heard it was in high school when I had overslept during the morning prep from the teacher on duty.

“What do you mean you used to be? OH! Well wait, why did I not think of this, you older than my daughter so definitely you are through with school. Impressive.”

I quickly interjected,” I’m not in school, sir!”

” so you not in school and you not through with school, so you haven’t gone to school” He with that look on the face, I can’t express it through words.

Finally for the first time since ” young man , who are you?” , he finally understood what I meant , from what I said , and the first time since ” young man who are you?” I gave straight response to this question.

Now agreement comes with silences but the following silence wasn’t just any kind of silence, it was the kind given to guest who won’t say they’re welcomed.

Minutes into my arrival and delayed my welcome, wait I wasn’t even welcomed, greetings were, “young man who are you?” And I still expect a welcome to the family. Their was no way I was getting anything from this man not a welcome not her daughter, until I answered the question , ” young man who are? ” correctly.

So University gives people identity, then I’m a nobody.

Who are you?

I think it inspired what I’m doing right now.

The tears of the boy child

Im afraid for the boy child, maybe the women empowerment came to detriment the men in the society at the expense of achieving the gender balance.

Photo: courtesy standardmedia.com

Some people tend to justify the sudden collapse of the boy child with some sort of emerging life trends ,which I tend to agree with but wholly satisfied.

Just a few days ago an eleven year schoolboy committed suicide by hanging himself, with no clear motive of his death. This is just but one among many cases involving the boy child.

It all started taking the wrong course when this term was used to justify the capabilities of a boy child. ” be a man.” As always said make the boy child thrive to keep up with the society expectations even when they are in horrifying ‘calamities.’

As each day unfolds they encounter different mysteries. sexual assault which even to some people thing it is not realistic,( they don’t believe in a man being raped, even some sodomized) victims of harassment in different phases of their lives .But now the unbearable truth is that almost 55% of our boy child is struggling with drug abuse. And in our society people are ready to point hands without asking what prompts some’ traits’. Maybe the drugs offer them the “solace “they have been denied.

Struggle for the boy child existence is real. Right now if you walk in any University lectures, the number of man is just devastating, they miss lectures to make ends meet. I don’t think if they still receive same treatment as the ladies, no they don’t. For instance in a matatu if a lady lacks a few coins for the fare it can be taken lightly, but just imagine what happens to a man? Nothing less than being gashed outside through any possible opening. So sad.

The society has placed ridiculous unrealistic expectations on the boy child. With the fear of not failing they struggle to live up to the task, in whichever way. As a result they end up being frustrated or meet the rogue side of the Kenya police force. Take a look at the recent shooting of the Meru University College student leader. So inhumane against the boy child. Are they craving for our extinction?

This discussion should not be ignored, lest we wait till it reach it’s optimal point.